selected articles

Monster Pig
by Rob Baedeker
JUNE, 2007

ALABAMA BOY KILLS 1,051-POUND MONSTER PIG
An 11-year-old boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds...
     “It feels really good,” Jamison said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. “It’s a good accomplishment. I probably won't ever kill anything else that big.”
          —The Associated Press, May 25, 2007

May 25, 2008
12-year-old Blows Away Own Record by Bagging 2,102-lb. Hog!

“I guess it just goes to show you the stupid things that come out of your mouth when you're only 11-years-old!” Jamison said at a press conference. 

“In terms of life accomplishments, this brings shame upon my homemade potato clock! And it makes my Monster Pig from last year look like a Mini Pig, like Hog-Bambi! I think it's safe to say I PROBABLY WON’T EVER KILL ANYTHING ELSE THAT BIG IN THE FUTURE!” (laughter from reporters)

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have my first taste of alcohol.”

May 25, 2009
Huge-Hog Hat Trick! 13-year-old Wastes 4,204-lb. ‘Boar-hemoth’

“Of course I’m fr8ked out,” Jamison said in a text message. “Evry year the pig cometh on same exact day, 2? LOL! WTF?”

May 25, 2012
Baby “Swine-stein” Blasts Previous Record with 8,408-pound ‘Moby Pig’! Teen Says Sixth Consecutive Record Hog Kill has got Him Thinking about “Some Deeper, Cosmic Kind of Stuff”

“You’re out there in the woods,” said the 16-year-old in a hand-written letter. “And you start noticing bigger patterns? Like mathematical things? Such as the rate that these pigs are growing? X times two? Is anybody with me?”

May 25, 2013
Young Hunter’s Beast Shrinks to 4,204 lbs. — Half of Previous Year’s Trophy Hog!

“It was exactly one-half as small as last year’s,” said Jamison, “but that still makes it twice as big as my second Monster Pig, so I’m not sweating it.”

May 25, 2014
‘Been There. Done That: Jamison Guns Down 2,102-lb. Hog-Tank

“It feels good,” said Jamison. “Not great, but good.”

May 25, 2015
Pattern Confirmed: Jamison’s Latest Pig Back Down to Original Record-Setter’s Weight: 1,051 lbs.

“Yep, it’s symmetrical,” said the 19-year-old college freshman. “I figured it out in 2012 when I bagged the 8K Hyper Hog. That’s the same year I took psychedelic mushrooms in the forest. Just joking.”

May 25, 2017
Latest Jamison Pig Tips Scales Gently, at 262.75 lbs.

“It’s basically the size of a very small farm pig,” said the Alabama sharp-shooter. “I would say in a way it’s actually harder? Because of the smallness of the target, and how quick?

May 25, 2018
Former Hog-Hunting Prodigy Hangs Up Pistols!

“It feels really good,” said Jamison. “I just turned 22 — I’m a full-blown man now — and that means it’s time to put down the pistols. And pick up a rifle. There are bigger beasts afoot. Who’s with me?”

Rob Baedeker is a writer and performer with the Kasper Hauser comedy group, authors of SkyMaul: Happy Crap You Can Buy from a Plane.